Ayyan Ali in jail

jokes

No father has ever explained the importance of Studies in such a awesome way to his son...

"‘With every wrong answer that you write in your exam paper ... your future honeymoon shifts from Switzerland to goa to saputara to Mehsana water park 😂😂😂


======


During a heart transplant.
Doctor: OMG
Nurse: what happened.
D: My mobile network is gone.
N: So?
D: I don't know what to do next.
N: Why.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
D: I'm from IIN.
Nurse behosh...😂😝😜

cricket academic performance

Comparing WC teams with Academics Performance

India == An unpredictable student who either tops or fails miserably and has a rich daddy. Even if he fails the mother covers up by saying ‘Atleast he has better marks than his other classmate called Pakistan’

South Africa == A student who tops in units and semesters, but fails in the final exams

Pakistan == A student who has the potential of being a topper but spends most of his time fighting and even beating other schoolmates. Either blames the teacher, paper quality of the exam paper, or fellow classmate (India) for his non-performance

England == A rare case where the teacher is still a student who has never cleared a final exam

West Indies == A student who was a topper till 5th grade but currently fails in every exams. Has a tendency of not preparing for the final exams and also leaving midway from the examination hall

New Zealand == A student who always scores a distinction but never tops the class

Australia == A student who is always a topper and the biggest bully of the school

Sri Lanka == A student who suddenly became a potential topper after 5th grade

whatsapp vs Facebook

Difference between "Facebook" and "Whatsapp" conversation :

On "Whatsapp" -
Wife : Kab se wait kar rahi hoon. Ghar kab aa rahe ho?

Husband : Abhi kuchh pataa nahi. Dimaag mat chaato. Jab dekho pareshaan karti rehti ho.

On "FaceBook" -
Wife : Dear when will you be back? You are the best husband in the world. Miss you. Come back soon.
(Status liked by 50 of her friends)

Husband : Thanks for being there always. So lucky to have a wonderful wife like you. Will be back soon honey. (Status liked by 75 friends, including sister-in-law & mother-in-law)😝😝😝

Husband & wife

Husband was shocked 😳😱
to read wife's 👧
Old school report card 📑…

The comment written ....
.
.
Very obedient and
Soft Spoken student

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A man takes photograph of his wife and

 calls himself a Wildlife photographer😋

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Friends

KAMINE DOST :

A broken lover's emotional status on Facebook:

"Agar wo meri nahi huyi to kisi aur ki bhi nahi hone doonga...!"

Friend's Comment:
"Agar wo teri ho gayi to sab ki hone dega kya..??!"

Harsha Bhogale

Harsha Bhogale is one of the best Commentator! 

Geoffrey Boycott once said Sachin may be a great batsman but he never got his name at the Lord's honours boards.

Reply by Harsha – “So whose loss it is, Sachin’s or honors of board?”

Explaining how Cheteshwar Pujara is a fine Test player but the T20 format doesn't suit him

Harsha – “Pujara is classical musician in the era of Yo Yo Honey Singh”

After Dhoni sent a Mitchell Starc’s slow delivery to the boundary

Harsha – “He had all the time in the world, he could have read a newspaper”

About Rahul Dravid's devastating form.

Harsha – “Ask him to walk on water and he will ask, how many Kilometers?”

About Glenn Maxwell’s batting…

Harsha – “ He just loves storm through, I guess if he had a car, he would probably start it in 4th gear”

When Michael Clarke got caught at slip but was still waiting for the umpire’s decision.

Harsha – “I think he is waiting for tomorrow’s newspaper to declare him out”

Dhoni was cracking one shot after another until Sachin got on strike and he also caressed a delivery towards covers.

Harsha – “We have surgeon at one end and a butcher at the other”

After Dhoni lost the toss yet again…

Harsha – “Dhoni again called for heads to the coin which has two tails”

While co-commentating with Rahul Dravid in a Test match that India was losing to England.

Harsha – “The only man who can save this match is the man sitting besides me”

After a diving Kieron Pollard could not take a catch…

Harsha – “If Pollard can’t reach it then it’s not a catch”

About Ashwin’s slow running between the wickets.

Harsha – “Dhoni is extremely quick between wickets and Ashwin… let’s just say he has other skills”

On ‘how tough it must be to be Sachin…’

Harsha – “One of the problem u face being Tendulkar is that ur always compared with Tendulkar”

Beautiful Story

A beautiful STORY...

A mechanic was removing the engine parts from a motorcycle when he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop... 

He went to him & said.. "Look at this engine... I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired and put them back"...So why do I get such a small salary? and u get huge sums....! 

The doctor smiled at the mechanic and came close to his ear and said.... "Try the same when the engine is running."

👌👏 classic!

 

 

 

Continuation

.Engineer. Revenge

.

.

.

.

.

The Mechanic smiled back came close to doctors ear and said 

I can pick any dead engine and make it alive . . . . . . . But can you ???

👌👏 Not only classic but Epic 😂😂👍

Interview Joke

Mishraji Interview Ke Liye Gaye.

Naukri Already Boss Ke Saale Ko Mil Chuki Thee.

Par Formality Ke Liye Interview Jaroori Tha.

Isliye Aise Sawaal Pucche Ja Rahe The Jinka Koi Matlab Nahi Tha.

Mishraji Ki Bari Aayi.

Interviewer : Aap Nadi Ke Beech Ek Boat Par Ho, Aur Apke Paas do Cigarettes Ke Alawa Kuch Bhi Nahi Hai.

Apko ek cigarette Jallana Hai. ? Kaise Jalaoge ?

Mishraji Very Serious.

Sir Iske teen-char Solutions Ho Sakte Hai...

Interviewer Shocked Lekin Kahaan... Batao!!!

Mishraji Ke Out Of The World Answers: Take one cigarette and throw it in the Water. So the boat will become

LIGHTER…… using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette

Interviewer:- Kya Bakwas Hai...

Mishraji's another deadly solution: 

You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette

Interviewer:-Stupid

Mishraji:- Sir one more Solution….

Take water in your hand 

and drop it drop by drop…(TIP – TIP)

Interviewer:- Abey Gadhe Usse Kya hoga..

Mishraji:- Sir Aapne Wo Gaana Nahin Suna

“TIP TIP barsa Pani. Pani ne aag lagayee.” us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee”

Mishraji - Sir If that was not enough, i have one more solution…..

Start praising one cigarette,The other will get jealous & “jalney lagega”

Interviewer Impressed :- Saale ko maaro goli, naukri Mishra ji ko hee de do.

Mishra ji can sell anything...😂😂

I have learned

If you will take the time to read these. 

I promise you'll come away with an enlightened perspective. 

The subjects covered affect us all, on a daily basis:

They're written by Andy Rooney, a man who had the gift of saying so much with so few words.......... Enjoy.........

I've learned ...That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned .... That when you're in love, it shows. 

I've learned .... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

I've learned .... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned .... That being kind is more important than being right. 

I've learned .... That you should never say no to a gift from a child. 

I've learned .... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way. 

I've learned .... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. 

I've learned .... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned .... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned .... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned .... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned .... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned .... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned .... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned .... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts. 

I've learned .... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned .... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned .... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned .... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile..

I've learned .... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. 

I've learned ... That life is tough, but I'm tougher. 

I've learned .... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned .... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I've learned .... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned ..... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned ..... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned .... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it. 

I've learned .... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

READ AGAIN IF YOU FEEL IT MAKES SENSE 😊

Jokes

Two new words hav been proposed to be included in oxford dictionary

1. Gumshuda- (n)- state of being physically lost.

2. Shadishuda (n)- state of being physically, mentally and financially lost 😜

 

 

======

You will go mad laughing ....

A Tata Nano breaks down on a roadside.

A man in a BMW 750Li stops to help Nano driver.

"I will tow u to d next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash ur head-lights"

They start up slowly but only a km or so down d line a sporty Porsche car speeds past at 150km/hr.

BMW driver's ego hurt, 

He totally forgets about little Nano towed behind & races after the Porsche.

Just as all 3 of them fly & tear through a speed trap,

the traffic cop radios his HeadQuarters:

"Calling all stations :: u won't just believe this what I just saw a BMW & a Porsche racing past at about 195km/hr, with a Tata-Nano right behind & madly flashing its lights to Overtake them..😅😅😆😆😁😁

Good day!!

 

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Call from bank to a Girl:_

Bank: hello madam you want credit card..

Girl: No thanks I have a boyfriend. 😂😜💸💰

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SOME WONDERFUL DEFINITIONS

CIGARETTE:

A pinch of tobacco

rolled in paper

with fire at one end

and a fool at the other! 

MARRIAGE:

It's an agreement

wherein

a man loses his bachelor degree

and a woman gains her master

LECTURE:

An art of transmitting Information

from the notes of the lecturer

to the notes of students

without passing through the minds

of either

CONFERENCE:

The confusion of one man

multiplied by the

number present

COMPROMISE:

The art of dividing

a cake in such a way that

everybody believes

he got the biggest piece

TEARS:

The hydraulic force by which

masculine will power is

defeated by feminine water-power!

DICTIONARY:

A place where divorce comes

before marriage

CONFERENCE ROOM:

A place where everybody talks,

nobody listens

and everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY:

A feeling when you feel

you are going to feel

a feeling

you have never felt before

cl-assIC:

A book

which people praise,

but never read

SMILE:

A curve

that can set

a lot of things straight!

OFFICE:

A place

where you can relax

after your strenuous

home life

YAWN:

The only time

when some married men

ever get to open

their mouth

ETC:

A sign

to make others believe

that you know

more than

you actually do

COMMITTEE:

Individuals

who can do

nothing individually

and sit to decide

that nothing can be done

together

EXPERIENCE:

The name

men give

to their

Mistakes

ATOM BOMB:

An invention

to bring an end

to all

inventions

PHILOSOPHER:

A fool

who torments himself

during life,

to be spoken of

when dead

DIPLOMAT:

A person

who tells you

to go to hell

in such a way

that you actually look forward

to the trip

OPPORTUNIST:

A person

who starts taking bath

if he

accidentally falls

into a river

OPTIMIST:

A person

who while falling

from EIFFEL TOWER

says in midway

"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

PESSIMIST: 

A person

who says that

O is the last letter

in ZERO,

Instead of the first letter

in OPPORTUNITY

MISER:

A person

who lives poor

so that

he can die RICH!

FATHER:

A banker

provided by

nature

CRIMINAL:

A guy

no different

from the other,

unless he gets caught

BOSS:

Someone

who is early

when you are late

and late

when you are early

POLITICIAN:

One who

shakes your hand

before elections

and your Confidence

Later 

DOCTOR:

A person

who kills

your ills

by pills,

and kills you

by his bills..!!